Today we gathered to talk about the last few chapters of the book. There is so much in the last chapters of this book, it is hard to summarize or to do justice in a brief discussion but with Christmas coming ever nearer and schedules becoming crazy busy we decide to move on. I would encourage anyone with access to the book to read the last two sections - they bring home what is truly important.
Today we talked about Mary and Abraham - and in this case, Abraham didn't come out looking so great!
When the angel told Mary she was about to become the mother of God's son, after only one logistical question (how?) she rejoiced. She was
told she was going to have a baby - ok we see the blessing in having a child -
but she doesn't seem to hesitate. She doesn't seem overwhelmed by the responsibility or concerned
with how it will look to the people around her - or even how her fiance who
knows he's not the father will take it. Wouldn't it be great to be able to
respond with such spontaneous joy! She did not get bogged down in all the problems that could come from this or the fact that Joseph could have her stoned! This is how worship and service is supposed to be - spontaneous and full of joy.
Somehow the thought of making meals, or cleaning the house - especially scrubbing toilets - does not fill me with joy. Somehow having to get up Sunday morning and get ready in time to go to church does not make me burst out in praiseful song. And the idea of having to help out or donate - well many days I'd rather be lazy. But if we change our way of thinking - if we receive the wonderful gift of God's love, acceptance and grace, remembering all God has done for us and is doing for us, and resting in God's promise that it will all work for the good in the end - we can rejoice - even while cleaning toilets! Our service is not a duty or obligation. It is an opportunity! It is our response to the wonder of all God is and has done for us.
Abraham is a different story. He started as Abram, a childless, yet faithful man. He doesn't seem very strong as Sarai convinces him to try to have a child with her servant. Then comes across even weaker when Sarai decides to punish the servant and Abram doesn't stop her or stand up for this poor woman who. not only was given no choice, but also was the mother of his child! When Abram is told he will have a son by Sarai he doesn't believe it - thinks the angel got it wrong and is talking about the servant's child, Ishmael. So far its hard to believe this is one of the Bible's heroes! But he does change his name and that of his wife. He does have a child with Sarah and he does call him Isaac. So he does come through in spite of his doubt, and God does many great things through him and his offspring.
I think we tend to be a little more like Abraham, a little doubtful, a little hesitant, maybe more tending toward looking for a logical rather than a miraculous solution. God can use that too but I want to be more like Mary. I want to believe what God is telling me. I want to rejoice in the opportunities presented to me to serve and to worship.
One thing holding me back is my belief that I can't do it right. I will mess it up. I am not good enough. I tend to revert to devaluing myself instead of accepting that I make mistakes, like most everyone else in this world, but still have value. Emily Freeman tells a story of attending a gathering where everyone else seemed perfect - in good shape, perfect hair, perfect clothes, perfect accessories, perfect home - and even perfectly nice and welcoming. The feelings of inadequacy this brought out made her want to just sit in a corner and hide, hoping people wouldn't notice the extra 5 pounds she had gained, or the imperfect outfit or..... but then she mentions four questions to ask (p 214 & 215) - and these seem to be significant for most of us.
1) What is the truth - ignore your perception, your feelings - what is the truth? - Though you feel unacceptable, God has accepted you as you are and has made you acceptable. God loves you as you are and you are loveable.
2) What do you choose to believe? Choose to believe God, to believe in God's promises. Choose to believe that you are acceptable even if you don't feel that way. This is one I struggle with but am really working on. I keep making mistakes and feel inferior to everyone else who seems to have everything under control - but I am choosing to believe God has made me acceptable and loveable and that God can use me even in my fallibility.
3)What do you choose to do? I am choosing to depend on God, to trust that God has made me acceptable and to act as if I am acceptable, rather than cower at home in bed or on the couch to ensure I don't make any more public mistakes. I am choosing to act as if I have a value to share with others, and not as if I am an intrusion in their lives or activities. I am choosing to act in spite of my feelings not on the basis of them.
4) Will you give up the right to feel as if God's truth is true? This is a tough one - but if I truly choose to act acceptable I have to give up the right to feel that way. I have to trust. I also have to give up the right to fit in - or to feel like I fit in. "I choose to release the right to manage others' opinions of me and rest in the sufficiency of the life of Christ." (p215).
Wow. This is tough. But it is also freeing. If I can learn to trust, to depend on Christ and in God's love and acceptance - I am free to respond spontaneously and joyously when God calls me. I can go to my brothers and sisters, secure in the knowledge, even if not the feeling, that I am of value and acceptable. I can be open to hearing them because I don't have to listen to my insecurities yelling at me to hide. I can make it through tough times because I don't bear responsibility to feel capable - just to hang on because God has promised to help me through. I can keep doing things - because God has promised to use even my failures for the good. I am free to be the person God wants me to be, because I don't have to feel able to be.
And I guess that's kinda where the Grace lies - in the freedom to listen to God's call and focus on living my life as a response to all God's goodness and grace - even if I'm not such a good girl.
No comments:
Post a Comment