October 22 - Chapters 11 & 12, Receive & Remain

While the first 10 chapters of this book dealt with the masks and the hiding we do, the next four deal with being found.  We talked about learning to receive God's love and grace. About how, like Dorothy in Oz, we already have what we need to achieve a happy life - but we have to believe it and we have to let go of trying to do things on our own.  We talked about remaining in the shelter of God's loving care - about how words, songs, prayers become a part of us so, even when life is hectic and we don't have time for quiet meditation we have God's word within us to help us keep going.

The session went a little sideways as we started to discuss two of the topics the Junior High School Sunday School Class is talking about  - Suicide and Bullying.  With the death of a young teenage girl these topics have become quite central in the media and in the minds of many people right now.  But what do these have to do with Letting the Peace of Christ rule within our hearts? With Letting the Word of Christ dwell richly within us?  Actually, more than we realized.

While I have no credentials to back up my opinion, I believe the main cause of suicide is hopelessness. When I can't see any way that things will get better. When I have no control. When I don't feel worthwhile. When I have no hope, I want a way out.  But Christ is our hope, our way, if not out, then through difficult times.. If we can truly learn to let the Peace of Christ rule in our hearts and let the word(s) of Christ dwell richly within us - we can do all things (Phillipians 4:13) even survive incredibly difficult, seemingly unendurable times.

Letting peace rule our hearts is not so easy.  We like to be in control.  We like to at least look like we are in control. When someone is pestering, demeaning or in any way hurting us, we lose that appearance.  We look less in the eyes of those around us. We look for things we can DO to fix the problem.  We desparately need to change things.  We are not at peace. But if peace rules, is the final arbitor of who we see ourselves to be as well as how we act, then we have to be willing to give up the appearance of control.  We have to give up looking at the situation through the world's eyes. We need to look to God, to Christ who strengthens us. We need to look to promises we find in the Bible.  We need to remember that we are of great value to God. That Christ came so we could receive salvation. That God has promised to be with us even in our darkest hour.  We need to rest in those promises and count on God, through Christ and the Holy Spirit, to help us through and give us strength to endure humiliation, pain, misery.

This sounds kinda trite coming  from someone my age, in my comfortable, middle class life. But these are lessons we have heard from people suffering under many of the worst bullies in history. The Isaelites in Egypt were forced to work under unbearable conditions for generations - then followed a leader sent by their God to a new life in a new land.  Paul, who was a bully (persecutor), stoning as many of those upstart Christians as he could, changed and became one of the persecuted. So he knew bullying from both sides. He talks about being accepted and being persecuted and being ok with both because his focus was on Christ.  The Martyr's mirror tells story after story of anabaptists who managed to live their lives fully, following their beliefs through hardship and even to death, but finding the life they had in Christ worth the pain. There are stories of slaves who survived torture, persecution, even mutilation and still managed to stand tall, to come through somehow, looking for a better life. Jews and people who helped them were totally stripped of their human rights in Nazi Germany and yet held their faith and are still around today. Ghandi became a hero for helping the bullied lower castes of India while staying true to his beliefs. These were not all Christians, but they counted on their God to help them through situations way worse than any we endure.

Bullying always seems to be around. It seems a  part of the human condition. There always seems to be someone out there that needs to prove something, to make make him /her/their self look more powerful by demeaning someone else.  Yet the persecuted often triumph in the end.

Christ is our hope. The peace God gives us is supposed to rule in our hearts, to act as the final arbitor of what we think and do.  On page 133 Ms. Freeman states "God offers his peace to act as my umpire, to release me from having to be the authority and keep it together. But I have to let peace be peaceful within me". Can we let peace rule?  When all the voices around us say DO more, BE more, put on the masks so at least you LOOK like more, where is the peace? When we have to do the dishes, wash the clothes, mow the lawn/shovel the snow, transport kids, prepare the meals, work full or part time, volunteer, be a listening ear, help out at school and church and in the community and do it all with a smile, seemingly without effort - how do we find time to let the word of Christ dwell richly within us?  I don't have a complete answer - but I think IF we can, it can feed us and strengthen us so we can face down our bullies, so we can find some hope in the bleakest situations, then we truly CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

Let us install in ourselves and in our children the truth that we are of value, that God cares, and that we can make it through, not in our own strength, but through Christ who dwells in us.  We don;t have to keep it all together - God already has it all together. We are not alone. When bullies strike, when everything is falling apart, when we lose everything - when life seems just too difficult to live, we can turn to God and know we are not alone, that there is hope, there is love, and  there is a life worth living.

So hang in there. Take time when you can to make God's word a part of your life. Read, sing, listen, memorize.  And when life gets crazy (or crazier!) draw on the words inside you.  Draw on the strength God will give  you.  And keep on going.  Receive God's love, God's word, God's peace, and remain in the shelter of God's loving arms.

October 15 - End of "The Hiding" and the introduction to "The Finding"

This week we looked at the Genesis story of creation and the fall.  It was interesting to see the slightly different perspective Emily Freeman has in this book.  While Voskamp looked at the ingratitude of Eve's actions, Freeman focuses on the separation and shame that  talking to the serpent brought into Adam & Eve's relationship with God.  Prior to this Adam and Eve had everything - they were created in the image of God and spent their lives in communion with creation and Creator. They ate the fruit and suddenly they became aware of how inferior they were to God's perfection. They realized they really weren't good enough to be so close to God. They realized they had messed up.  Guilt arose. Then shame set in.  So did hiding. Since then we have been striving to deal with our imperfection.  Sometimes we try to cover it up by putting on a good show of being "fine", or responsible, or pious: of being "good". Sometimes we try to avoid letting it show by remaining in our comfort zones or not letting others close enough to see all our faults, or we try to distract from our imperfections by trying to be indispensible and taking on tasks/responsibilities we may or may not be able to handle. There are many ways we hide from our selves, from those around us, and from God.

We sometimes forget that we are born, or created, in the image of God.  We don't have to eat from a special tree or follow certain rituals or do all the right things in order to be like God, anymore than twins have to dress and act the same in order to be twins.  "Birth determines identity" and we are born in God's image. We don't have to be good enough.  We can't be good enough.  God has provided us, not only with forgiveness for all the times we mess up, but also with grace so we can continue living freely, without fear, without hiding, without trying so hard. Just as God not only forgave Adam and Eve but also clothed them, so God offers us all we need and much much more than we deserve to live fully and happily.

I found it interesting how the author distinguishes between guilt and shame.  She says guilt admits we've done wrong and runs to God for protection and forgiveness.  Shame says we are wrong, worthless, unworthy and forces us to hide, even from God's loving kindness.  Guilt shows us the error of our ways and helps us see our need for forgiveness and help. Shame claws at our image of ourselves and diminishes it until we feel too small, too unworthy to even ask for forgiveness. I am hoping the author will give us more insight on how to fight shame and rest in the loving protection and mercy God is offering.

In the introduction to the next section of the book we read of the author's feeling "overwhelmed, overcome & undone" when she realized how many masks she was wearing and how much she depended on them.  When she confessed to a counselor that she didn't know how not to be this way - he said "You're not this way.  This may be how you cope, but this is not who you are." (p125)  How do we separate out who we are from what we do?  How do we claim our "God-like-ness"? How do we cope if we dare to take off our masks?  How do we stop depending so much on ourselves and lean on God?

As I looked around the room this afternoon I saw amazing women.Women who had undergone all kinds of physical and emotional hardship and yet remain so strong and capable and giving. Each one had suffered something I could not fathom, and seemed to have come through it. And I felt small. And I guess I asked myself - am I the only one who wears masks?  Who tries to look like a better person than I believe myself to be? Who relates to the author's stories of various masks?  I guess I cannot answer that and I don't have to.  God does not expect me to be as strong and as good and as capable and as resilient as someone else.  God wants me to be the best me I can be while trusting and depending wholly on the strength given to me by God's presence and spirit within me. My focus is supposed to be heavenward - not on all that others can do and be.  This is a lesson I know I need to learn.  I would challenge each of us to be honest at least with ourselves and recognize that we need the strength and mercy God offers and that we really can't do it all on our own.  It is so hard to separate out what I am doing as a loving response to God and what I am doing to try to seem better, to try to be better, than I think I am.

As we head into the next section of the book I challenge each of us to prepare to be found. I hope we will find truths that will help us in whatever way each of us requires. I hope we will find insights that will help improve our relationships with God and our lives in some way.

***

As I was driving yesterday I listened to a song by a group called Casting Crowns.  I've shared it before but thought I'd share it again in light of all our talk of masks and how they affect each of us and the church. You can hear it on YouTube if you are interested (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzKOrlPuWzo).  The lyrics are below.

Stained Glass Masquerade lyrics
[- From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/casting-crowns-lyrics/stained-glass-masquerade-lyrics.html -]

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Chorus:
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Chorus (x2)

But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Happy Thanksgiving

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

While we did not meet today – I thought I would still jot down a few thoughts. 

The first is that I am very thankful for each of the women that comes to our study each week.  Every one brings the special gifts that God has given her, the uniqueness that makes her who she is, and shares some of herself with us.   Thank you!  I draw from your strength and insights, your faith and your experience – Thank you for being a part of our group.

Secondly I thought I would take a detour from the book we are studying now to touch on the book I read shortly before we began our study.  The book is called One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Anne Voskamp. (I don’t have the publisher’s information handy right now).  It is a book I would recommend for it reminds us to be thankful always – for the big things like the peaceful country we live in and the health of our families – but also for the small things – like the rainbows in the soap bubbles when we wash dishes, or the perfection of a flower growing voluntarily where one would least expect it.  In the first chapter she talks about the initial sin being the sin of ingratitude.   While God had given Adam and Eve everything they needed and so much more, the serpent helped them focus on the one thing they didn’t have – the right to eat from two trees whose fruit was forbidden.  So instead of continuing to rejoice in the abundant goodness of all God had supplied, Adam and Eve chose to eat from the tree the serpent advocated.   Voskamp says: “Our fall was, has always been, and always will be, that we aren’t satisfied in God and what He gives.  We hunger for something more, something other.” God plans for us to be whole, to be brought “to our full glory” (I Corinthians 2:7 NEB) but we are so busy looking at what we don’t have we don’t see all that we do and therefore find it impossible to be content and grow to our full potential.

So I challenge us this Thanksgiving: Let us look at the wonderful blessings we have so undeservedly received and be thankful for them. Let us shift our focus from the things we think we want but do not have to the marvelous abundance of what we do have. Let’s not try to think how we would change the ending of sad or difficult stories if we had a chance, but trust God, the author of our story, that things will all work out for the good somehow.  And Let us be thankful for all we have.

In our Church’s Thanksgiving service yesterday, the worship leader shared something her mother used to say – I don’t have it word for word but it was something like: “Seeds of discontent cannot grow in a thankful heart”. Let us fill our hearts with gratitude and thanksgiving. Let us look for things to be thankful for instead of for things to wish for.  Let us be thankful most of all that we don’t have to write our stories or those of the people we love, but that we get to live our stories, our lives knowing that, however things feel at the moment, God, who knows all and sees all will bring some good out of even the worst tragedies, will help us through day to day life and, often, will surprise us with goodness we didn’t even know to expect. 

God is Good! Let us give thanks!

October 1 - ch 7-9

Today we looked at the story of the Prodigal son, his father and his brother - mostly his brother.

Often we focus on the younger son and how his loving father welcomes him home in spite of the insult and irresponsibility of the son's earlier actions.  But what about the older son?  He was the responsible guy, the one who stayed home and helped his father, maybe even ran the farm for him.  He was the Biblical male version of the "good girl".  He did everything right - and probably felt pretty good about it - pretty virtuous even - until his reckless, irresponsible brother came home and got welcomed like royalty. This was too much!  It wasn't fair!  The father came out to talk to him, to invite him into the party.  But the older brother was hurt and furious and refused to be a part of a celebration for that brat that broke his father's heart, spent all his money, and did absolutely nothing to help around home.

As we talked we realised that we, like the author, tend to identify with the older son.  We try hard.  We are responsible - maybe even too much so sometimes.  Sometimes we feel we need to apologise for things beyond our control, like others' actions, like loved one's moods, even like the performance of our favourite sports team. Sometimes we feel we need to take on tasks  - either because "there's no one else" or because it helps us feel like we belong. We take on more than we can ever handle - then are almost disappointed when, instead of appreciating what we have done, people find other ways to get the job done when we can't.

We also tend to "stay at home" - remain in our comfort zone - helping take care of the food, clothing, transportation etc. that come with being part of the family.  We take on the same kind of volunteer positions - choosing to take on things we know we can handle because we've done it before.  Jesus pushed people out of their comfort zone.  Maybe not always but often.  And often they were blessed by it.  Like the woman who had been hemorrhaging, who tried to hide in the crowd and just sneak a touch of Jesus' robe - knowing she wasn't worth his attention.  Jesus waited until she came forward and confessed what she had done - and he blessed her. What blessings/opportunities are we missing because we want to remain hiding in our comfort zone even while Jesus is calling us forward.

We can also be a bit self-righteous and/or judgemental when someone else gets a reward they don't seem to deserve.  Like the older brother we feel we, or at least other good people, should be rewarded for all the good we/they do before someone who does a lot less.  Why can't life be more fair? People who devote their lives to God should be rewarded more than those who mess up their whole lives and then make a commitment on their death beds and die in peace.  Why should they get the same reward? It doesn't seem fair!

Then we talked about it some more. Realizing that we all have times that we mess up, maybe we should also recognize the part of each of us that is like the prodigal son.  We don't deserve God's love and grace any more than anyone else.  We all mess up and haven't earned God's love.  God just gives it. If we, like the older brother, refuse to go into the party because there are people there we feel haven't worked as hard as we have - aren't we just hurting ourselves?

If we talk about the  unfairness of the prodigal son's experience, or that of people who rebel terribly before becoming Christians, aren't we saying that messing up - squandering your inheritance, rebelling, partying, and generally living for oneself - is more desirable than our lives?  Isn't saying it is unfair saying they have something we are missing?  Yet really - isn't it true that we have something they don't have?  Isn't our relationship with God something that helps and sustains us? that gives us joy and peace?  If we are somehow finding that we are envying those who don't have that relationship, maybe our relationship isn't what it should be.  Maybe we are focussing too much on being the "good girl" and not enough on God's blessings and all the wonderful things that come from being a child of God and a member of a church community.  So maybe it isn't fair - we get to spend our whole lives in relationship with God while they don't.  We get to have a community and an all powerful God to bless and help us - they only get to party and look for new thrills and fun without any real direction or meaning.  So we are the lucky ones - the ones who get way more than we deserve.

God, like the parable's father, shares everything with us our whole life!  So we don't have to be responsible for everything - God can work through whatever we do.  We don't have to stay safely in our comfort zone - we have someone who will take care of us wherever we are. And we definitely don't have to feel cheated when people rebel and then come back to God and/or the church, we get to spend more time experiencing God's presence and God's blessing - we get the best deal around.