Well it was a crazy week. Today was kind of a holiday - some people had it off, others didn't - but it seemed almost everyone else was gone or busy so we cancelled our gathering today.
Last week was a bit of a test for me. We had 7 different people staying in our home for varying lengths of time as we hosted a leadership assembly for our national church. I usually like to leave many parts of the house hidden behind closed doors, but there wasn't that much extra space. I usually don't feel very capable of serving food to others, as I'm sure they are used to better fare - but there were people who needed to be fed. We openned our home to people for supper on Monday, lunch on Tuesday as well as breakfasts all week. I even made a meal to serve to whoever was left Saturday afternoon. And all went well.
After spending the previous week (s) helping to arrange billeting for around 23 people, I cooked and baked food and washed and changed sheets and hosted people I didn't know and drove in blinding snow to bring people to the airport. And it all went well. Did I say the wrong thing? probably. Did I make mistakes? Of course. But I also got to get to know some amazing people. Each one had something to share, each had thoughts that enlightened or challenged or at least interested me. I was sorry to see each one go - but knew I had to make room for the next ones.
Last week we had talked about being acceptable even when we didn't feel that way - so I hung onto that. We had talked about the joy of focussing your actions as a response to God and/or loved ones instead of obligations - and I actually felt pretty good all week. Then, when the dust cleared and they were all gone, I felt a let down. I started to second guess incidents, comments, actions. Why did I serve that tea? Should I have offered more food? What did I say? Did it come out wrong? Why didn't I do that? Why did I do that - wrong? but again I am hanging on to the promise that I am acceptable (though far from perfect) even if I don't feel that way.
Busyness is tiring - but there is a sense of accomplishment. Putting yourself , your home, your cooking, out there is risky - but if you give up the right to manage others' opinions of you it is much less so. There is a freedom in just doing what needs to be done without agonizing over how it is being perceived. It was a good week - but I am glad I had done some reading before it, as remembering bits and pieces really has helped me through the aftermath of all that busyness. Now I can focus on the blessing it was to meet and get to know so many great people. (and on cleaning up).
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