The Story of Mary and Martha was central to this week's input. Found in Luke 10:38-42, it tells the story of Jesus coming to visit Mary & Martha. One of the difficult parts of the story is that Mary is the one Jesus holds up as doing the better thing, while Martha is the sister with whom we can identify more easily.
When Jesus comes to her village Martha opens her home to Jesus. I think this is pretty impressive. I know many people who have homes where guest speakers or other distinguished guests are welcomed. I tend to be afraid that my offering/ my home wouldn't be good enough. Martha is polite and welcoming - the perfect hostess - at first.
When we meet someone and they ask how we are the automatic responce is "fine" or something like that. And there are occasions when that is the appropriate response - complete strangers don't know you well enough to care that you are having what one harried dad called a three dwarf morning (he said they were all sleepy, grumpy and dopey) and sometimes it is just part of a standard greeting. But what about with people with whom we have a relationship? What about people with whom we are having a real conversation - not just the polite greetings? Can we drop the "fine" and let them know somewhere along the line that we are struggling with something? Can we let on that we could use some prayer and support - or do we continue to hide behind the polite fine? Do we think we don't deserve the support because we're really not that badly off? I think we sometimes give ourselves a lot of unnecessary grief and loneliness because we don't want to admit we need someone else to listen, to care. Sometimes we need to take off the mask of "fine" and allow another person to see our vulnerability and we need to let them help - even if it is just a hug or a listening ear.
And here we can return to Martha. While she seemed quite happy to have Jesus (and probably a whole lot of other people) in her home - she wanted some help This seems fair and good. And she did take off the mask of "fine" and ask. So I think she is pretty awesome. The problem is that Jesus basically told her to relax and listen and not to worry about all the hosting things. This is problematic for a room full of Moms who often have to keep kids' and husband's schedules in mind while tending to housework and volunteer work etc - to a room full of women who often miss at least part of a worship service preparing for potlucks or other after church events. It is hard to hear Martha chastised. But I think maybe we get caught up in the "should's". Is it really so critical that the meal is ready as soon as people come out of the worship service? Wouldn't there be more help available if we waited? Maybe if Martha had been able to put aside the rules of good hostessing, Jesus would have provided another miracle and fed everyone anyway. Maybe the others were so caught up in what Jesus said they didn't really need to eat. Maybe this was an occasion that good hostessing didn't have to follow the rules. We will never know. What we do know is Martha worked hard and then, when she asked for help from her sister, was told her sister was doing the better thing by sitting and listening. GRRRRRRRRRR! That doesn't sit well - but maybe it is something for us to keep in mind when we stress over doing enough of the right thing. Sometimes maybe we have to let go a bit.
The last section of this session focusses on the rules and how some of us strive so hard to follow them. We put untold pressure on ourselves and others as we work to dot every i and cross every t. And a corollary to that is that some people feel very free to critisize others who don't follow the rules the way we see them (like making the "wrong" kind of tea or the "wrong" strength of coffee). We will get more volunteers if we allow people to do things the way it makes sense to them, and if we allow them to make mistakes without being raked over the coals. On a more theological level, the "rules" or 10 commandments were given more as a way for us to see that we need help than as an expectation that we could follow them perfectly. Jesus emphasizes that as well. We can't be perfect - but God loves us anyway. Can we accept that? Can we extend that love and grace to others?
Like Martha, we need to learn to come out from behind the fake "fine" and allow others to be there for us. We need to learn that it doesn't all depend on us all the time, We need to learn that we can't perfectly follow the rules but God loves us anyway - and would prefer we come for help rather than turn away because of expectations.
Saturday, 29 September 2012
September 10
On September 10 we opened with some talk about masks and masquerades. Remember how much fun it was as a kid to dress up and put on that cheap plastic Halloween mask. We thought we were BEAUTIFUL! Greek actors used to hold masks in front of their faces (I think) so you could tell what kind of character they were playing - and weren't distracted by their actual appearance. Well it seems that sometimes we put on masks as well, trying to look beautiful, and efficient, and capable, and strong. Sometimes we wear them for so long they become a part of who we see ourselves to be. Sometimes it can be quite traumatic if they are ripped from our faces. Yet there is something refreshing about taking off the mask. Remember how uncomfortable the real ones were as kids? They were hot and made both seeing and breathing difficult - It was fun to wear them but felt good to take them off, too.
Different people have different masks, and some of us couldn't relate to some of the masks mentioned in the book - but I think some of us did/do. The first chapter talks of wanting to be and do it all perfectly and the difficulty when our image of who we should be doesn't quite match who we know we are. We find ways to hide our "failings" - we avoid situations our weaknesses may show and work like crazy to come across a proficient in the situations we are in. We want to please our families and those around us and silence the part of us who is suggesting we are not really quite good enough.We work so hard we sometimes forget that God created us as we are and has promised to be with us and help us. We seem to feel we need to do it right and do it by ourselves.
No one wants to fail. The second chapter went more into "Chasing Expectations". We want to be good at what we do - which isn't a bad thing - except if we mean that we cannot make mistakes without seeing ourselves as diminished somehow - worth less than others we see as perfect - a failure. If we limit our efforts to things we are confident we can succeed at, we may miss out on finding other lifegiving things to do. If we always present the picture of a perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect church member - how can others who don't see themselves as so perfect feel free to come and ask for or offer help? Where is the room for God to work miracles in us if we are determined to do only that which is comfortable and to do it on our own?
The third chapter spoke of something I could really relate to - the lack of an exciting conversion story. I don't know about you but as a teenager I thought it was so cool to hear about people who had led these horrible, scary to me, lives of sin and debauchery and then turned to Christ and became these amazing, on fire Christians. I wanted that fire - that enthusiasm that would allow me to admit the horrible things I had done because I now knew I was saved. But that wasn't my story. I hadn't done horrible things. I was the good girl (well - with a few glitches since I do have a mischievous streak and a stubborn streak and put together that did get me in trouble on occasion - but I don't think I was bad) and grew up within the church and in a good family. No chance for a huge conversion there. I actually considered trying to be bad, or raising my future kids outside the church, so that I or they could have that kind of conversion experience. But I figured it didn't work once you already were a Christian - and didn't want to take the chance they wouldn't have the conversion experience. Besides I didn't know how to live and raise kids without the church family. I think the point is that you need to be true to where you are and who you are. Sometimes you feel closer to God than others. Sometimes you are more enthusiastic than others. And sometimes we just need to pray that we can be and feel OK about who we are and not try to hide our insecurities behind a good reputation.
These first few chapters were trying to introduce us to the idea that we are working really hard at being good, at wearing the happy, efficient mask of a good Christian woman and some of the dangers of that. As I said, we couldn't all identify, but I think those of us that can got some food for thought about where we are at.
Different people have different masks, and some of us couldn't relate to some of the masks mentioned in the book - but I think some of us did/do. The first chapter talks of wanting to be and do it all perfectly and the difficulty when our image of who we should be doesn't quite match who we know we are. We find ways to hide our "failings" - we avoid situations our weaknesses may show and work like crazy to come across a proficient in the situations we are in. We want to please our families and those around us and silence the part of us who is suggesting we are not really quite good enough.We work so hard we sometimes forget that God created us as we are and has promised to be with us and help us. We seem to feel we need to do it right and do it by ourselves.
No one wants to fail. The second chapter went more into "Chasing Expectations". We want to be good at what we do - which isn't a bad thing - except if we mean that we cannot make mistakes without seeing ourselves as diminished somehow - worth less than others we see as perfect - a failure. If we limit our efforts to things we are confident we can succeed at, we may miss out on finding other lifegiving things to do. If we always present the picture of a perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect church member - how can others who don't see themselves as so perfect feel free to come and ask for or offer help? Where is the room for God to work miracles in us if we are determined to do only that which is comfortable and to do it on our own?
The third chapter spoke of something I could really relate to - the lack of an exciting conversion story. I don't know about you but as a teenager I thought it was so cool to hear about people who had led these horrible, scary to me, lives of sin and debauchery and then turned to Christ and became these amazing, on fire Christians. I wanted that fire - that enthusiasm that would allow me to admit the horrible things I had done because I now knew I was saved. But that wasn't my story. I hadn't done horrible things. I was the good girl (well - with a few glitches since I do have a mischievous streak and a stubborn streak and put together that did get me in trouble on occasion - but I don't think I was bad) and grew up within the church and in a good family. No chance for a huge conversion there. I actually considered trying to be bad, or raising my future kids outside the church, so that I or they could have that kind of conversion experience. But I figured it didn't work once you already were a Christian - and didn't want to take the chance they wouldn't have the conversion experience. Besides I didn't know how to live and raise kids without the church family. I think the point is that you need to be true to where you are and who you are. Sometimes you feel closer to God than others. Sometimes you are more enthusiastic than others. And sometimes we just need to pray that we can be and feel OK about who we are and not try to hide our insecurities behind a good reputation.
These first few chapters were trying to introduce us to the idea that we are working really hard at being good, at wearing the happy, efficient mask of a good Christian woman and some of the dangers of that. As I said, we couldn't all identify, but I think those of us that can got some food for thought about where we are at.
Getting Started
This is my attempt to teach an old dog new tricks. They say blogging is easy and they say it helps people stay in touch - so here goes.
I am hoping to find time each week to update this site with some of what we talked about - no not the private stuff we sometimes talk about but some general topics and my take on them - not always the actual discussion from our get togethers. If you'd like to add your comments I'm pretty sure you can.
Anyway - We are starting the year looking at Grace for the Good Girl: letting go of the try-hard life written by Emily P. Freeman and published by Revell. The book has a guide included which covers the book in about 8 weeks - about 3 chapters per week - so here goes......
I am hoping to find time each week to update this site with some of what we talked about - no not the private stuff we sometimes talk about but some general topics and my take on them - not always the actual discussion from our get togethers. If you'd like to add your comments I'm pretty sure you can.
Anyway - We are starting the year looking at Grace for the Good Girl: letting go of the try-hard life written by Emily P. Freeman and published by Revell. The book has a guide included which covers the book in about 8 weeks - about 3 chapters per week - so here goes......
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