October 15 - End of "The Hiding" and the introduction to "The Finding"

This week we looked at the Genesis story of creation and the fall.  It was interesting to see the slightly different perspective Emily Freeman has in this book.  While Voskamp looked at the ingratitude of Eve's actions, Freeman focuses on the separation and shame that  talking to the serpent brought into Adam & Eve's relationship with God.  Prior to this Adam and Eve had everything - they were created in the image of God and spent their lives in communion with creation and Creator. They ate the fruit and suddenly they became aware of how inferior they were to God's perfection. They realized they really weren't good enough to be so close to God. They realized they had messed up.  Guilt arose. Then shame set in.  So did hiding. Since then we have been striving to deal with our imperfection.  Sometimes we try to cover it up by putting on a good show of being "fine", or responsible, or pious: of being "good". Sometimes we try to avoid letting it show by remaining in our comfort zones or not letting others close enough to see all our faults, or we try to distract from our imperfections by trying to be indispensible and taking on tasks/responsibilities we may or may not be able to handle. There are many ways we hide from our selves, from those around us, and from God.

We sometimes forget that we are born, or created, in the image of God.  We don't have to eat from a special tree or follow certain rituals or do all the right things in order to be like God, anymore than twins have to dress and act the same in order to be twins.  "Birth determines identity" and we are born in God's image. We don't have to be good enough.  We can't be good enough.  God has provided us, not only with forgiveness for all the times we mess up, but also with grace so we can continue living freely, without fear, without hiding, without trying so hard. Just as God not only forgave Adam and Eve but also clothed them, so God offers us all we need and much much more than we deserve to live fully and happily.

I found it interesting how the author distinguishes between guilt and shame.  She says guilt admits we've done wrong and runs to God for protection and forgiveness.  Shame says we are wrong, worthless, unworthy and forces us to hide, even from God's loving kindness.  Guilt shows us the error of our ways and helps us see our need for forgiveness and help. Shame claws at our image of ourselves and diminishes it until we feel too small, too unworthy to even ask for forgiveness. I am hoping the author will give us more insight on how to fight shame and rest in the loving protection and mercy God is offering.

In the introduction to the next section of the book we read of the author's feeling "overwhelmed, overcome & undone" when she realized how many masks she was wearing and how much she depended on them.  When she confessed to a counselor that she didn't know how not to be this way - he said "You're not this way.  This may be how you cope, but this is not who you are." (p125)  How do we separate out who we are from what we do?  How do we claim our "God-like-ness"? How do we cope if we dare to take off our masks?  How do we stop depending so much on ourselves and lean on God?

As I looked around the room this afternoon I saw amazing women.Women who had undergone all kinds of physical and emotional hardship and yet remain so strong and capable and giving. Each one had suffered something I could not fathom, and seemed to have come through it. And I felt small. And I guess I asked myself - am I the only one who wears masks?  Who tries to look like a better person than I believe myself to be? Who relates to the author's stories of various masks?  I guess I cannot answer that and I don't have to.  God does not expect me to be as strong and as good and as capable and as resilient as someone else.  God wants me to be the best me I can be while trusting and depending wholly on the strength given to me by God's presence and spirit within me. My focus is supposed to be heavenward - not on all that others can do and be.  This is a lesson I know I need to learn.  I would challenge each of us to be honest at least with ourselves and recognize that we need the strength and mercy God offers and that we really can't do it all on our own.  It is so hard to separate out what I am doing as a loving response to God and what I am doing to try to seem better, to try to be better, than I think I am.

As we head into the next section of the book I challenge each of us to prepare to be found. I hope we will find truths that will help us in whatever way each of us requires. I hope we will find insights that will help improve our relationships with God and our lives in some way.

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As I was driving yesterday I listened to a song by a group called Casting Crowns.  I've shared it before but thought I'd share it again in light of all our talk of masks and how they affect each of us and the church. You can hear it on YouTube if you are interested (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzKOrlPuWzo).  The lyrics are below.

Stained Glass Masquerade lyrics
[- From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/casting-crowns-lyrics/stained-glass-masquerade-lyrics.html -]

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Chorus:
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Chorus (x2)

But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small