On September 10 we opened with some talk about masks and masquerades. Remember how much fun it was as a kid to dress up and put on that cheap plastic Halloween mask. We thought we were BEAUTIFUL! Greek actors used to hold masks in front of their faces (I think) so you could tell what kind of character they were playing - and weren't distracted by their actual appearance. Well it seems that sometimes we put on masks as well, trying to look beautiful, and efficient, and capable, and strong. Sometimes we wear them for so long they become a part of who we see ourselves to be. Sometimes it can be quite traumatic if they are ripped from our faces. Yet there is something refreshing about taking off the mask. Remember how uncomfortable the real ones were as kids? They were hot and made both seeing and breathing difficult - It was fun to wear them but felt good to take them off, too.
Different people have different masks, and some of us couldn't relate to some of the masks mentioned in the book - but I think some of us did/do. The first chapter talks of wanting to be and do it all perfectly and the difficulty when our image of who we should be doesn't quite match who we know we are. We find ways to hide our "failings" - we avoid situations our weaknesses may show and work like crazy to come across a proficient in the situations we are in. We want to please our families and those around us and silence the part of us who is suggesting we are not really quite good enough.We work so hard we sometimes forget that God created us as we are and has promised to be with us and help us. We seem to feel we need to do it right and do it by ourselves.
No one wants to fail. The second chapter went more into "Chasing Expectations". We want to be good at what we do - which isn't a bad thing - except if we mean that we cannot make mistakes without seeing ourselves as diminished somehow - worth less than others we see as perfect - a failure. If we limit our efforts to things we are confident we can succeed at, we may miss out on finding other lifegiving things to do. If we always present the picture of a perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect church member - how can others who don't see themselves as so perfect feel free to come and ask for or offer help? Where is the room for God to work miracles in us if we are determined to do only that which is comfortable and to do it on our own?
The third chapter spoke of something I could really relate to - the lack of an exciting conversion story. I don't know about you but as a teenager I thought it was so cool to hear about people who had led these horrible, scary to me, lives of sin and debauchery and then turned to Christ and became these amazing, on fire Christians. I wanted that fire - that enthusiasm that would allow me to admit the horrible things I had done because I now knew I was saved. But that wasn't my story. I hadn't done horrible things. I was the good girl (well - with a few glitches since I do have a mischievous streak and a stubborn streak and put together that did get me in trouble on occasion - but I don't think I was bad) and grew up within the church and in a good family. No chance for a huge conversion there. I actually considered trying to be bad, or raising my future kids outside the church, so that I or they could have that kind of conversion experience. But I figured it didn't work once you already were a Christian - and didn't want to take the chance they wouldn't have the conversion experience. Besides I didn't know how to live and raise kids without the church family. I think the point is that you need to be true to where you are and who you are. Sometimes you feel closer to God than others. Sometimes you are more enthusiastic than others. And sometimes we just need to pray that we can be and feel OK about who we are and not try to hide our insecurities behind a good reputation.
These first few chapters were trying to introduce us to the idea that we are working really hard at being good, at wearing the happy, efficient mask of a good Christian woman and some of the dangers of that. As I said, we couldn't all identify, but I think those of us that can got some food for thought about where we are at.
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